So, tomorrow is THE day. It's been 8 weeks since I finished my two week course of IL-2 and tomorrow we find out if it's working. Have I mentioned that I can actually feel most of the tumors in my body? Mmm hmmm. Think of sitting at your desk, having an itch, not really thinking about it and scratching it but woops .... there's that pesky cancer. They're like little kidney beans just hanging out. It's a blessing and a curse. It seems that the melanoma nodes keep moving and shifting closer to my skin, which is great because it would make them fairly simple to remove and it makes me think that my body is trying to push this out of my system somehow. Of course it also makes me slowly lose my mind. I spent a sizable amount of time this morning feeling myself up and going back and forth ... "I think it really does seem much smaller than it was 4 weeks ago." "Wait, maybe it's just shifted position and now I can't feel the whole thing." This goes on for a few minutes and then I realize I'm driving myself completely, certifiably nuts. In 24 hours we'll know, and until then no matter how much groping I do I just won't be able to figure it all out.
So.... we're hoping for "shrinkage" or at least stability again. Let's be honest, I'm looking for results! I'm hoping that they tell me it's clear that the IL-2 is working, and I sign up to start another round next week. I can't tell you how badly I want to do it all over again! I've never looked forward to feeling like crap so much in my life. So tomorrow, keep your fingers crossed for us. Say a prayer to whichever God you pray to. I don't turn down any kind of faith. I had a friend bribe a priest in Brazil apparently on my behalf a few years ago when she found out I'd been diagnosed. They had a quick ceremony, lit some candles, some money passed hands and she told me I'd be fine ... that we should just samba. All positive thoughts are welcome! Hopefully my next update will have dates that we'll be closed so that we can finally kick the crap out of this once and for all and move on.
Oh... here's my favorite new t-shirt:
So.... we're hoping for "shrinkage" or at least stability again. Let's be honest, I'm looking for results! I'm hoping that they tell me it's clear that the IL-2 is working, and I sign up to start another round next week. I can't tell you how badly I want to do it all over again! I've never looked forward to feeling like crap so much in my life. So tomorrow, keep your fingers crossed for us. Say a prayer to whichever God you pray to. I don't turn down any kind of faith. I had a friend bribe a priest in Brazil apparently on my behalf a few years ago when she found out I'd been diagnosed. They had a quick ceremony, lit some candles, some money passed hands and she told me I'd be fine ... that we should just samba. All positive thoughts are welcome! Hopefully my next update will have dates that we'll be closed so that we can finally kick the crap out of this once and for all and move on.
Oh... here's my favorite new t-shirt:
2 comments:
My thoughts are with you...
Rebecca, my thoughts are also with you. I know exactly what you're going through, having been through a cancer diagnosis myself. I'm waiting to get new tests done in July and the waiting for that is driving ME crazy!
Wishing you positive results!!
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